


(Un)Certainties

by ianplease



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Pining Kozume Kenma, Timeskip, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27974687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ianplease/pseuds/ianplease
Summary: Pining for your childhood best friend isn’t as easy as it sounds. Kozume Kenma is neck deep in the tides of his feelings and tries to remain afloat by finally confessing to Kuroo Tetsurou about everything.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	(Un)Certainties

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sundaymorningloves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaymorningloves/gifts).



> this is a commissioned vignette style fic by one of my friends for her older sister (@sundaymorningloves) ! happy birthday to you!! :) i hope you enjoy this fic!

“You’re always going to be here, right, Kenma?” Kuroo’s voice was soft, a little louder than a whisper. His eyes shone with nervousness and worry. Although Kuroo was adjusting well to the entire move to the neighborhood and to school, it still scared him that he was somewhere brand new. 

Although he was always curious and kind, Kuroo had a tendency to hide his uneasy feelings behind his smile. He kept moving forward and learned from mistakes but sometimes, it was a little too much. No one knew about these moments when he felt so small, vulnerable, and weak — except for Kenma. Now wasn’t an exception; Kuroo was scared that he wasn’t doing well, that he wasn’t fitting in. Eyes scared and tired, Kuroo just wanted to be okay.

Kenma’s brows furrowed and his forehead creased, worried to see his best friend in such a state, but he nodded in response. He stuck out his pinky to Kuroo and hoped that he would get the message. After wiping the tears from his eyes, Kuroo sticks out his pinky to Kenma as well and links the two fingers together. 

Kenma couldn’t think of anything more but to be there for his best friend no matter the circumstances. Although his voice was soft, it only spoke of the truth. 

“Always, Kuroo.”

* * *

Inseparable: that’s what friends would say about the feisty duo — Kozume Kenma and Kuroo Tetsurou were practically joint at the hip. Wherever Kenma was, Kuroo was there; they were each other’s support systems. It’s no surprise since they’ve always been together ever since they were children: from elementary school up until present, they’ve always managed to be each other’s rocks; they were there for each other through thick and thin, through major and minor milestones in each other’s lives. From each other’s favorite foods and movies, to how to reassure each other during times of distress, and even the silliest ways to get them to do each other’s errands — they complemented each other well, despite their differences; they were the yin to the other’s yang, the sun to the other’s moon. 

It was all picture perfect. Even if they were both going their own ways, with Kenma busy with university requirements, stocks, and CEO responsibilities and with Kuroo being part of the Japan Volleyball Association's sports promotion division, they always made time for each other. Texts, calls, messages, and even emails — you name it. The two would always find a way back to each other despite the push and pull of the differences of each other’s schedules. It was all ideal; it was perfect. 

Except for one thing: Kozume Kenma was blatantly and madly in love with his best friend, Kuroo, and he didn’t know how to tell him. Hell, he didn’t even know if Kuroo would reciprocate these feelings. It was fucking ridiculous for him to pine for his best friend over the past ten years; he couldn’t keep his feelings under control and they bubbled and festered inside of him. Yet, he couldn’t take the risk of letting Kuroo know since he couldn’t bear to lose him. 

* * *

Kenma wasn’t sure when it all happened, but he did know that since he was around eight or nine years old, it blossomed into something big, something that he had difficulty trying to contain. On some days it was quiet and gentle, like the soft lull of the ocean breeze on a quiet afternoon. It felt secure, very certain: Kuroo was his rock after all. However, on other days it felt like he was drowning and he struggled to breathe, as the constricting feeling wrapped around his neck and chest. Shackled, Kenma believed that these feelings of love were a double-edged sword that he needed to keep to himself. All he yearned for was for Kuroo to be there; when Kuroo was there, everything would be okay.

It was comforting with Kuroo; there was this ease that flowed everytime the two of them were together. He just wanted it to be the two of them to grow old together; he wanted Kuroo to be the first person he sees when he wakes up in the morning and Kuroo to be the last person he sees before he falls asleep.

* * *

Weekend house visits were a tradition. 

These visits were constant even when they were kids; Kuroo and Kenma would often spend time in each other’s houses and their guardians would happily welcome them as a part of their families. Kuroo and Kenma knew every nook and cranny of each other’s homes; from the areas where the wallpaper peeled off the wall, to the slanted books in bookshelves, to the number of pillows on each other's beds. 

However, at present, Kuroo would be the one making his weekly visits to Kenma’s place — granted, the younger male had a larger place to begin with. Kenma didn’t mind; it was nice to have company at his living quarters and it didn’t feel so lonely with Kuroo by his side. 

It would be the same routine: Kuroo would help Kenma go about the chores and they would catch up with Kenma mostly listening to his chatterbox best friend. They’d play video games together and practice a bit of volleyball if they could. The only thing that changed was the subject of their conversations; at present, Kuroo had all sorts of stories from the Volleyball Association. From collecting statistics about different players performances to the likelihood of them getting scouted, and even how games would go! Kuroo was still very passionate about volleyball and it was nice; it would give the exciting yet familiar feeling of being kids again, playing volleyball with their teammates and fellow friends and players from other schools. 

Kenma didn’t want to admit it but he honestly hoped the weekends never ended; he just wanted to listen to Kuroo everyday and bask in his warmth.

* * *

“Kenma, I’m gonna go visit you over the weekend, alright?” A slight shuffle is heard on the other line. Kuroo fights back a snicker; it was probably too early to call Kenma (after all, it was 7 AM and Kenma’s classes didn’t start until 10 AM), but here he was anyway. “Please don’t forget to eat, okay? I’m gonna annoy you during your streams if you don’t eat.” 

Kenma knew that it was way too early for Kuroo to call him and he would have turned off his phone in retaliation, _but_ Kuroo had privileges and all Kenma could do was groan as he answered the call, half-asleep. Even if he was deathly annoyed at the older man, he couldn’t help but feel at ease upon hearing his voice. There was this tenderness amidst the concern and sternness from the normally sly tone of Kuroo’s voice. 

Kenma adjusted on the bed, so he was back flat against it but his eyes were still glued shut. _Fuck you, Kuroo._

“Shut up,” he replies, his voice still hoarse. “You call me on a day where my classes don’t start early.” 

“Kenma, please eat, okay?”

“I will, and of course, you’re gonna go home. Standard protocol, right?” 

Kenma stifles a yawn. “If you don’t go home, I will personally kill you.” 

“Wow, death immediately?” Kuroo laughs and Kenma could have _sworn_ he felt his heart jump to his throat. He takes a deep breath and huffs aloud, enough for Kuroo to hear him.

“Fine, no death. I’ll make a shout out for you on my streams telling you to fuck off.”

“Ouch, that hurts but as your best friend, I will accept the consequences.” 

Kenma couldn’t help but laugh to himself, remembering the last time Kuroo hid under a dummy account under the name **chattycat** and commented things like _have you eaten? What does that do? Oh my GOD KODZUKEN YESSSSS_ which were out of character for most of the viewers he got and Kenma simply rolled his eyes during his stream. The other viewers didn’t seem to mind so Kenma let it slide.

“Are we good? I need to sleep.” Kenma’s eyebrows were furrowed and he hid himself under his blanket, his phone still to his ear.

“Good night, Kenma.”

“Good night, Kuroo.”

* * *

November 1st: Just sixteen more days, Kenma thought as he flipped through his desk calendar. A big circle was around the 17th day of the month. November 17 was a special day because it was a special commemoration of Kenma’s favorite person: it was Kuroo’s birthday. Despite not being a huge fan of celebrations, Kenma would always celebrate Kuroo’s birthday without fail. 

Though when he was younger, it started out as more of an obligation because his mom would make him go and spend the day with his childhood friend, but over the years, Kenma didn’t mind the flashy get togethers, the noisy party goers, and even the alcohol as they grew up. 

He would also give Kuroo a gift every year. 

What should he do this year? It was pretty hard to think of a gift for him this year; normally, Kuroo would be happy with practical items or with things that they could use together or some silly display item, but those didn’t feel enough for this year. After all, Kuroo deserved something special.

With his heart and mind set on it, Kenma decided that it was finally time to let Kuroo know about _everything:_ what he felt for Kuroo, when it started, how it developed, and why Kenma kept it a secret for all these years. And of course, maybe a silly cat desk display. Kuroo always had a soft spot for those.

After all, hiding his feelings for fifteen years was exhausting. Kuroo had a right to know. 

* * *

Everything was settled; the food with all of Kuroo’s favorites were lined up neatly on the dining table: from grilled mackerel pike and fish cakes, to actual sweet cake, to a tall bottle of wine and a pitcher and water, and even a stupid looking salad that was out of place, it was all ready. 

Kenma was just about done fixing everything and all he had to do was wait. Kuroo usually arrived any time from 8 PM to 9 PM on Friday nights and always texted Kenma if he was on the way there. Normally, Kenma didn’t mind what time Kuroo came home since the latter had a key anyway; all he needed to do was to ring the doorbell and knock as to not scare the shit out of Kenma (It’s happened before and Kenma nearly threw a thick book at Kuroo’s head once, in fear of him being a thief.) 

It was around 8:30 and Kuroo still wasn’t there. Maybe he was running late? 

Kenma’s phone vibrated and the screen showed a notification that said “ _Hi, Kenma sorry, an emergency came_ _up._ ” No further explanations, no context, no nothing. 

Kenma’s heart sank. 

_An emergency? What kind of emergency?_ All sorts of thoughts flooded Kenma’s mind and there was too much going on at a speed he couldn’t grasp. Was Kuroo okay? 

_You stupid idiot, you shouldn’t have expected anything._ Tears streamed down Kenma’s cheeks unprompted and he felt his throat tighten once more — he was drowning. It has been a long time since he felt like he was drowning from these feelings and it was horrible to sink and lose control of them again. Before he knew it, he was curled up into a ball, hiding his tear streaked face in his hands, dry heaves and sobs escaping his lips. 

Kenma didn’t like crying. 

He knew that crying was normal, that it was a normal release of emotions, that it was a way to get rid of steam. There wasn't anything wrong with crying per se, but he just hated how he felt so small, how it felt like he couldn’t do anything when the tears just started escaping. Right now, it was all that he could do. 

He knew that one day, sooner or later, he needed to take the risk to tell Kuroo about all of these feelings he harbored for him. He knew that he couldn’t just sit there at the shore and watch Kuroo from afar, swimming about and going on his own way. He _had_ to take the risk even if it absolutely scared the living shit out of him.

And just as he took the first step to get there, the waves engulfed him. 

Kuroo wasn’t coming home and he felt like a fool.

* * *

Kenma wasn’t planning on streaming that night because of the preparations he had already blocked out for Kuroo’s birthday, but he might as well spend the rest of the evening doing something productive to get rid of the negative energy in his system. What would be better than shooting and hacking a bunch of zombies, _right?_

He covered the food on the table — the grilled mackerel would get too stiff in the fridge — and put the cake back in its box and back into the fridge. The cake back in the box looked pretty gloomy; the sides of the box had a bit of creases from carriage earlier. Maybe it was the light of the fridge against the box that made it look sad, but Kenma heaved a sigh and closed the fridge door before getting himself a glass of water to calm down. This was probably the first time in their entire friendship that Kuroo bailed on his own birthday. Even back in university when they were swamped with requirements, Kuroo still managed to make time and drink to his heart's content with friends and orgmates but never without Kenma by his side. 

Was he celebrating it with other people? That was something plausible, but Kuroo wouldn’t say that as an emergency. He would tell Kenma that his office mates wanted to celebrate together! What if it was someone else on a date with Kuroo? Wait no, that’s not possible. Kuroo was usually open about the people he was seeing with Kenma though they were sparse. However, Kuroo was very attractive and it was _possible_ that he went out with someone that evening. 

The thoughts were whirring inside Kenma’s mind and he just wanted to block them out; he wanted it to stop. 

With his hood over his head, Kenma made his way to his room and sunk down on his bed, and made himself comfortable despite the aching sadness that was still looming over him. At least the pillows and his bed were soft and were there for him. He closed his eyes and rubbed them with the backs of his hands before exhaling loudly. His heart ached.

* * *

Kenma’s doorbell rang. Once, twice, thrice. It kept ringing and it was the last thing on earth he wanted to hear. It obviously wasn’t a desperate salesperson trying to make sales at fuck-o-clock in the evening and it wasn’t some wreckless kid playing a prank and ringing his doorbell repeatedly. Kenma simply curled up more into his sheets, unable to find the energy to get up. _So much for streaming tonight…_

Kenma closed his eyes once more and turned in his bed so his back was facing his door. He knew who was there but he didn’t want to look at him or acknowledge him. The steady footsteps across the floor echoed and he knew it was Kuroo. He knew that the love of his life still managed to get here for his birthday celebration and yet, why was Kenma’s heart still dull and aching?

The door clicks open and feet shuffle. The lights turn on. Kenma doesn’t budge.

“I’m sorry I’m late, Kenma.” Kuroo set his bag down on the floor of Kenma’s room and rushed to him at his bedside. He received no response whatsoever; no acknowledgement, no grunts, nothing. Kuroo tiredly smiles and leans over to wrap his arms around the blob of blankets that was Kenma and hugs the younger male.

“Please forgive me, Kenma? I’m here, okay?” Kuroo’s voice is gentle and he squeezes the smaller man in his arms. Kenma groans and shifts a bit under the mess of blankets where he was hiding away.

“You’re a dumbass, you know that?” 

Kenma hoists himself on his elbows and rubs his eyes with the back of his hands, squinting at Kuroo beneath his messy hair. He couldn’t look at Kuroo straight in the eye but he was glad that he was here anyway. His eyes still hurt; they were puffy from all the crying and his cheeks were tear-stricken. 

“Kenma, have you been crying?” Kuroo had a worried look on his face which accompanied the softness of his voice. He tucked some of the hair Kenma had on his face behind his ear. He reaches in his slacks pocket for a handkerchief and wipes the trails of tears off Kenma’s cheeks. 

“Shut up.” Kenma doesn’t shoo away Kuroo’s hands but avoids his gaze. “None of your business.”

“Let’s eat? Go with me to the dining room.”

Kenma barely nods and Kuroo lets go of the hug. Kuroo goes on ahead and waits for Kenma by the door. The younger male manages to get out of bed and stretch for a bit, folding his blanket neatly and fixing the pillows and bedsheets before following Kuroo, both of them heading over to the dining room.

The silence was almost immediately filled with anecdotes from Kuroo on his workday and how it was hectic. Kenma nods and listens intently despite the weight on his chest and shoulders. Maybe his mind was just in overdrive and made him think of the worst possible scenario — after all, Kuroo _did_ have a busy job and it could get pretty hectic.

And just as they arrived at the dining area, Kenma was surprised to see the food prepared alongside a small poster of the two of them hanging on the wall — it was a picture of the two of them when Kuroo graduated. What was most striking was the flower arrangement of different red and white flowers on the dining table. There was a little note on top but it was unreadable from where they were standing. 

“Kuroo, what the fuck?” The question came out of surprise; it wasn’t as if Kenma had an accusatory tone. He turns to his best friend then back at the flowers, pointing at them. “Why do you have flowers? Did your officemates buy them for you?" 

Kuroo shakes his head and ushers Kenma to sit. Kenma raises an eyebrow at this but proceeds to take his seat. Why would Kuroo have a printout of a poster of the two of them on the wall? Why did he bother to bring out the dishes and uncover them, and even take the cake out of the fridge? Why was there apple pie on the dining room table too? And additional tofu dishes. There was way too much food. The flowers too? 

“I’ll get you water, just wait here.”

The flower arrangement was a mix of white daisies, red and white roses, and red chrysanthemums. Kenma was confused as to why Kuroo had this on the table as a centerpiece, but he could clearly see the little note which read: _For My Dearest Kenma._

Before he could ask or snatch the little note from the bouquet, Kuroo set down a glass of water next to Kenma. Without much thought, Kenma picked up the glass and downed the drink, unaware of how thirsty he was from all his crying earlier that evening.

“You saw the note, right?” Kuroo asks, a wide grin on his lips. 

“Yeah, what’s that about?” Kenma sets the empty glass of water down and looks up at his best friend who was still standing and leaning against the chair he was sitting on. “It’s _your_ birthday.”

Kenma looked skeptical and raised an eyebrow at Kuroo, but Kuroo simply laughed. 

“I’m sorry for worrying you earlier but the truth is, I was rushing to get these things ready.” He picks up the rather sizable bouquet of flowers and hands then to Kenma. Confused, Kenma takes the bouquet from Kuroo’s hands and examines the flower arrangement up close. He notices the different kinds of flowers, how some of them were fully bloomed, while others still a little shy of the full blossom. Nevertheless, it was a beautiful bouquet, with the contrast of white and red perfectly complementing each other. Just like their old Nekoma team colors, of love and purity. 

“These are for you. And don’t forget to read the note, okay?”

“I know,” Kenma deadpans. “I pieced that together.” Kenma rests the flower arrangement on the table once more and takes the little note out of the bouquet. He opens the tiny cream envelope and opens the folded piece of paper.

_To my constant, my rock: Thank you for always being with me. Please be mine?_

Kenma looks up to see Kuroo with his face tinted with a blush. He still stood confidently and although he had a big smile on his face, Kenma could tell that the raven haired man was nervous. He could tell from the look in his eye. 

“I love you so much, Kozume Kenma.” 

Kenma felt like his heart was about to burst out of his ribcage; his heartbeat strong and simultaneously up in his throat. He didn’t know what to say but he did know that he heard that right. He knew Kuroo; he would never say something like that as a joke. As much of a piece of shit Kuroo was, he would never toy around with anyone’s feelings.

Heaving a sigh, Kenma stands up and looks at Kuroo straight in the eye with a soft smile on his lips. However, the words that escaped his mouth surprised the birthday boy.

“You beat me to it, dumbass.”

“W-what?” 

Confused, Kuroo looked at Kenma with a clueless expression across his face. Kenma ends up pressing his index finger against Kuroo’s chest. 

“I was going to confess to you when you got here but you worried the fuck out of me and here we are, you ended up confessing to me first.” Kuroo’s eyes widened at this statement and he was about to speak again but Kenma spoke again before he got the chance to. “You gotta make up for this, ya know. You made me cry so much tonight, it isn’t funny.”

Kuroo nodded and brought Kenma close for a tight hug. Kenma didn’t want to admit it, but the warmth of the taller male was very comforting and all he could do was reciprocate the action and hug him back with just as much energy. 

“I’m sorry, Kenma. I know it was a dick move of me but I’ll make it up to you _and_ I’m gonna feed you, okay?”

“Fine,” Kenma rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at Kuroo. “But _you_ reheat the grill mackerel and slice the cake. I’m not gonna do that for you tonight.” 

Kuroo chuckles at this and plants a gentle kiss on Kenma’s forehead. Kenma didn’t push Kuroo away and instead simply enjoyed the warmth and tenderness of the action. Loosening the hug, Kuroo tucks the loose strands of Kenma’s hair behind his ear and speaks once more. 

“You didn’t answer my question, Kenma.”

Kenma looks up at Kuroo and sees the yearning in his eyes — it wasn’t the first time he saw that sparkle. He _did_ decide that he was going to be completely honest about his feelings, right? Kenma nods and clears his throat.

“Yes, Kuroo I’m yours,” he pauses. “I love you very much.”He feels a huge weight lifted off his chest and shoulders at the statement despite the burning heat across his neck, cheeks, and ears. He sees this twinkle of happiness and hope in Kuroo’s eyes upon those words and all Kenma could think of was how it felt so _safe_ with Kuroo. 

Kenma pauses once more before speaking.

“Promise you’re not gonna worry me like that anymore?” 

Kenma stuck his pinky out for Kuroo: a pinky promise. Kuroo smiles and links pinkies with Kenma — the last time they did something like this was when they were around nine years old. Signifying a really serious promise, they spent some time in that position until they laughed with the lightness surrounding them.

“Yes Kenma. I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> again, i hope you enjoyed this! i had a lot of fun working on this!! 
> 
> feel free to reach out to me @kitaswife on twitter!


End file.
